mwah mwah mwah
oh and i didnt forget, here's chocolate, roses and ummmmmmmmmahhhhssss
happy valentines day :)
now go and get yourselves all smooched up .....
dorian gray...
i'm currently reading oscar wilde's picture of dorian gray... downloaded it from the gutenberg site... i adorrrrre that site - so many free books it makes me dizzy!!! - anyways, i came across this passage just now n felt like posting it... this lord henry's talkin bout how people deprive themselves these days, bout how we should find ourselves and my favourite bit, bout why we should just give into temptations :D
actually i've just marked out the bits i loved ....
"There is no such thing as a good influence, Mr. Gray. All influence is immoral--immoral from the scientific point of view."
"Why?"
"Because to influence a person is to give him one's own soul. He does not think his natural thoughts, or burn with his natural passions. His virtues are not real to him. His sins, if there are such things as sins, are borrowed. He becomes an echo of some one else's music, an actor of a part that has not been written for him. The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly--that is what each of us is here for. People are afraid of themselves, nowadays. They have forgotten the highest of all duties, the duty that one owes to one's self. Of course, they are charitable. They feed the hungry and clothe the beggar. But their own souls starve, and are naked. Courage has gone out of our race. Perhaps we never really had it. The terror of society, which is the basis of morals, the terror of God, which is the secret of religion--these are the two things that govern us. And yet--"
"Just turn your head a little more to the right, Dorian, like a good boy," said the painter, deep in his work and conscious only that a look had come into the lad's face that he had never seen there before.
"And yet," continued Lord Henry, in his low, musical voice, and with that graceful wave of the hand that was always so characteristic of him, and that he had even in his Eton days, "I believe that if one man were to live out his life fully and completely, were to give form to every feeling, expression to every thought, reality to every dream--I believe that the world would gain such a fresh impulse of joy that we would forget all the maladies of mediaevalism, and return to the Hellenic ideal-- to something finer, richer than the Hellenic ideal, it may be. But the bravest man amongst us is afraid of himself. The mutilation of the savage has its tragic survival in the self-denial that mars our lives. We are punished for our refusals. Every impulse that we strive to strangle broods in the mind and poisons us. The body sins once, and has done with its sin, for action is a mode of purification. Nothing remains then but the recollection of a pleasure, or the luxury of a regret. The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful. It has been said that the great events of the world take place in the brain. It is in the brain, and the brain only, that the great sins of the world take place also. You, Mr. Gray, you yourself, with your rose-red youth and your rose-white boyhood, you have had passions that have made you afraid, thoughts that have filled you with terror, day-dreams and sleeping dreams whose mere memory might stain your cheek with shame--"
-Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
shhh... taboo!
transitions made an interestin post bout sex education... i'm not goin to sum up or anythin, i'll just put the link here so u can have a read...
http://threattosociety.blogspot.com/i think what we both agree on is that young ppl are going ahead and havin sex, n refusin to talk to them about it or to provide protection is not stoppin them, but puttin them at more risk... not only of society's labelin n stigma n pointin fingers... but also the bigger dangers of unwanted pregnancies with disastrous consequences and transmission of STDs...
n i'm concerned bout kids not being informed bout child abuse... its so rife here and yet we keep mum bout it... our shame or denial or whatever is only gettin more kids hurt each day, each month, each year... statistics are appallin, and its only recently that we've had any statistics, any sign of acceptance that it exists... its bout time to talk to kids, atleast to let them know they can tell ppl, they can go to someone they trust and get help, and that its not their fault or sumthin to be ashamed or guilty about... by zippin up and turnin the other way, we're indirectly contributin arent we?
we demand sex education and awareness programs for kids!
*bangs desk forcefully*
*colleagues look worried*
good people
i left my organiser in a cab today. the driver had brought me to work. so he called up my office, described me, finally located me, and came to deliver it to me. i was touched.
it reminded me of the many times ppl had done nice things out of the blue. there was this time i took a bus from canberra to sydney. my flight out of sydney was the next morning, and i was traveling alone, lugging a heavy trunk and what could be the biggest backpack ever. i checked out the hotels nearby, and they were all booked out. yes, i should've known better and booked earlier... but lets leave it there. the only room available was a youth hostel which i had to share with three swedish guys who were drunk and shirtless and jumpin on their bunks... needless to say, i passed and returned to the central station...
i got myself sandwiches, a coffee and magazine and decided to spend the night at the station. i'd always been warned not to loiter around the stations (i'm constantly being warned by friends since i prefer travelin by myself)... apparently stations attract 'undesirable' ppl, whoever they may be... but i figured i could manage bout eight hours without gettin into much trouble... it was cold and i was freezin despite my very warm jacket... and tryin to doze off and being woken up now n then by random ppl got me feelin a bit apprehensive bout my decision...
then i was nudged by someone, just when i'd settled back comfortably, or as comfortable as i could manage there. two ppl in uniform were looking at me concerned. the elderly one asked me if i was ok. they were like, a young thign like you... you shouldnt be out here... come on, we'll keep you safe till its time for your bus.... so they took me to the security office... they turned out to be security officers... there was this mummy-hennish lady with huge glasses and the kindest smile... we had tea and cookies and she told me of her daughter who was bout my age, and who hopped on n off buses like i did... and in between i managed to get a coupla hours sleep, i got to shower whoohoo... and they even walked with me to the bus that went to the airport... one minute i was scared and lonely, the next minute i found myself being cooed over and pampered... the kindness of strangers. the best kind.
there was another night when i was out. i had a bad time and i was miserable. i didnt think bout how late it was, i didnt notice it was in the middle of winter. i went walking in civic and ended up in the city square. every now n then a group of ppl would go by, high, happy, on to the next party. a girl bout my age sat next to me on the bench. she had two cups of steaming coffee. oporto around the corner was open, and she'd got us coffee and fries. i loved the oporto fries.
her name was karen n i'd never met her before. she said, i thought you could use this. we talked for a long time. i felt my grief and frustration lift and leave me. we parted ways and i got a cab home. i had been cryin but when i went to bed i felt good. good people turn up when you dont expect them to, and it renews ur faith in the good in the world.
every time someone helps me with my grocery bags, stop to help me pick up the things i drop, as i always seem to do, offers a smile (not the sleazy pick-up kinda smile, but a genuinely nice one) especially on a bad day :), or does somethin totally nice n mushy.... i appreciate the goodness in ppl... its like hearing armstrong's what a wonderful world, it warms me up.... i meet enough ppl who're rude and mean and simply put, just plain foul, as we all do everyday... and just when it looks like the world is going to the pits, someone comes n makes you feel good bout the world, bout ppl, bout everythin even for a brief moment... you're askin like jackson johnson where'd all the good people go, and you find them all around you....
like i said, the kindness of strangers. the best kind.
back in the zone
i've almost killed my blog again. poor thing was on life support. i'm sorry, dear blog, you who have entertained me so... i'm sorry i abandon you as i do...
that said, i'll do a quick run through of the 'whats been happenin' list...
ok, the lanka trip was fantastic... more than fantastic, and i cant think of a word, but you get the picture... i got back on the 7th, came to work two days later and got right back into the brief paper makin process... and the coffees at city garden, the occassional pop in to the studio, the catchin up with friends and swappin holiday gossip, the usual things i do on the usual days...
there was a bit of hectic runnin around now n then... like guy's back-to school stuff, for instance.. my godddd!! i've been away from the back-to-school shoppin scene for a while... so when i rang up rush n asked him to drive me around to do some shoppin, i dindt expect the whole of male' to be doin the same... it was a stampede of very determined buruga-clad mothers clutching their kids and ticking off boots....socks... bag... stationary... tie... check, check, check... i was totally lost.. and being the chicken i am, i fled...
but we finally did get to buy stuff (the coolest shoes ever ... which were also too good to be true.. and turned out to be too small damn... and didnt come in a bigger size...damn damn... and a real madrid bag, and i was proud for rememberin which team my brother rooted for yeyyy, i'm not such a bad 'mommy' after all ... and the random pencil and eraser n what not... oh and a spongebob interval kit which guy seems to love) ... anyways, the shoppin done, there came the first parent meeting, where i became a class rep... so far they havent called me up to do anythin stupid and totally inane...
i did lots of shoppin... new sunnies, most importantly... and went n got my hair rebonded... to a lot of mixed reactions... from whoa to what were you thinking!!?? cant please everyone can you...
on the high lights, an MP from the UK Conservative Party and head of the internaitonal commission visited maldives... and we got to meet him on behalf on ngos. i think the meeting went very well... he was such a nice gentleman... we celebrated with a big round of coffee at candies...
we also met the youth minister recently to raise concerns of the ngo network.. mostly the lack of space to hold meetings n difficulties in gettin places n all... he seemed receptive, we'll just have to wait n see...
plans are also goin ahead for Inferno, a metal music show initiated by Youth for Equality with some of the hottest bands around and one of the best indian metal bands, Sceptre... that should be sumthin to look forward to.... going to be held in April... i'll be posting details later....
in other news, luj leavin to pakistan brought on lots of pre-trip shoppin which was fun... and lots of post-trip missin which wasnt so fun.... the place is so much quieter without the dude, but on the good side, i dont spend as much time on the balcony inhaling passive smoke :P issey's being a darling keeping me company and drivin me around... ran's still in one relationship crisis or another... waana is being waana, which is being relied on to be a great friend and to do the funniest things... nas is busy being a 'responsible teacher' and being everyone's mummy hen... the ngo ppl are still the passionate ppl they are rallyin for the right and the just... bless their dear lil hearts... the studio ppl are gatherin around to talk about art and politics and more art and politics... and i keep runnin in to old friends who i hadnt caught up in ages... hasy, shaz, azaf, and friends way back form the time i wore my hair in plaits... my gran's still runnin after cockraoches (sometimes imaginary) with a broomstick and cursin bout the washin machine breakin down, bout the pots gettin black, bout the gas runnin out too quickly... and guy's in his own lil world which centers on duel master cards, beyblades, need for speed and lots of other ps games with japanese names that i cant pronounce, oh and his latest obsession with goth stuff...
there was some tribal dj at dolphin last nite which i skipped... and a couple of weddings that were also skipped... and ive been hoppin on to the ferry and goin to vilingili quite often these days... lots of cats, which is always good... come to think of it, male's full of cats too so i'm one happy kitty...
all in all, life's back to what it was. but better. i've blown out my mooinc money and hungry for projects... which actually means hungry for dough to splurge on random things i take a fancy to...
i'm coughin like mad and its very annoying, and right now i could kill for a steak... mmmm....
but like i said, things are looking good.... or atleast reasonably better than when i left them in 2006....
here's lookin at you, kid... :)
the rogues
so saddam got the noose....
i dont deny he was evil and directly or indirectly responsible for thousands of deaths... true, he was a monster, as they like to say ...and all the new 'evidence' that keep popping up everyday doesnt win him much sympathy i guess...
but if he should be hanged, i believe george w. bush and bush senior should be hanged too. donald rumsfeld ought to be hanged. most of the US administration's pro-war neocons dont deserve better. since the first gulf war how many deaths have they been responsible for? in iraq, in afghanistan, not to mention palestine by deliberately ignoring israeli atrocities...
ofcourse, a long line of american presidents can follow in line if we're to get started on it...
its a shame that reagan's dead. i think he, more than any other former american president, deserves the noose. yes, i have a deep loathing for the man. if he's not guilty of crimes against humanity i dont know who is.
we're always hearing of pinochet and milosovic and all.... why not go into the records of the CIA? now that would bring up some interesting stories... especially their involvement in latin america during reagan's reign... chomsky and vidal and hunter thompson are criticised when they write about it...
that reminds me, this is a link to an article of vidal's... since i'm a fan, i'm sharing it here...
good lord no!
i just read over the last post. what a whinge!
the season must be getting to me.... in all the wrong ways.
i hope lanka zaps this sentimental stuff out of me before i go back... male' cant take any of this!
there's enough madness and loco self-obsessed ppl there as it is...
sentifreakingmental
everytime the phone rings, i hope its you. but its not.
'yes, yes, i'm going out tonight'. 'yeah i'm up for coffee'. 'sure i'd love a movie'.... its always someone else. so many things going on, but nothing that's actually anything.
everytime the door bell rings, i hope its you. but its not.
i force a smile at the smiling faces. but inside there's an ache, a hurt, a sigh.
and everytime someone calls my name, i turn hoping its you. it was you one day. i wish it was everyday.
sometimes i remember every detail. sometimes i dont remember anything but a glance. sometimes i recall entire conversations. sometimes i'm happy thinking about a smile.
its unbelievable i'm sitting here writing mundane soppy things in the middle of the night. especially after a big night out.
but then again, everything seems unbelievable these days.
in spirit
two things -
the creator of tom n jerry is dead
n the actor who plays kramer goes n gets all rude n racist...
sad stuff....
in other news, i'm in lanka and its christmas, n i went for a drive last night with hisham, irfan's cousin, n the stfreets were dead... but all lit up n there were fireworks at midnight... and we passed by mass at a church... so many ppl, so many candles, so many bells and pianos n chimes.... it felt special and nice :) we stopped by at hisham's friend aziz's place where a group of friends were having a chat n coffee. what i really liked was that we werent all muslims or christians or buddhists or whatever but we celebrated just being together... the celebration of love and friendship went beyond the differences of culture and religion, and it was a good feeling...
n the best bit, louise armstrong's what a wonderful world was on the radio when i got home... i've been bitching about all the things wrong with the world, bout ppl, bout life.... i've been runnin around thinking i was doing my bit to right so many wrongs, joining up with ppl who share the same ideals and values, and being disappointed and worn down with every set back and sharing the frustration at every block in our way.... i can only say in the most cliched of ways, that i often forget how much joy i have in my life.
thw wind was whipping around me at galle face, and i sipped a lemonade of all the things, and said my thanks....
frozen
i lived a dream. music and people and you. cookies and coffee and you. silence and smiles and you. i swirled in whorls of colour and sang to myself. i lay on the grass and counted the stars. i leapt without looking, and knew i could't fly. i wanted to fall....
and placebo sang, fall into you is all i seem to do... and i lay there, listening, smiling, wishing...
the dream was over in a blink.
you've gone now. you walked out of the dream. and i'm still caught in it....
tidbits
mom's gone with my stepdad to see a doctor. so i'm stuck at home, watching pocahontas 2 n mulan 2 with my brother, n watchin gran happpily chew biley. there was such drama yesterday because we ran out of bileiy leaves, n gran's eyes were roling around in their sockets. at one point she was wondering if any of the neighbours grew bileiy in their gardens. she kept looking out different windowns n shakin her head - banana palms, breadfruit trees, mango trees, all sorts of plants but no bileiy. my cousin masha was stayin over for the day, and we were a bit worried she'd ask us to go door-to-door askin for bileiy.
now she's muttering about flies. there's a couple thats hovering around her and its annoying her. it would annoy me too if they bugged me at such an important time. n dhufun time is a very important time for granny. she wakes up n chews tobacco before she gets ready. she chews some more before breakfast. and she has good, long chew afterwards. my cousins n i say 'maama's nice vanee' - she has an expression of such contentment on her face when she sticks her finger into that lime container and thunks out a lump on bileiy leaf n tops it off with that nuts mix she makes....
she does another funny thing here. there's like a spare room up here n two spare rooms downstairs, n a kitchen thats not used... she keeps going into those n we hear muttering... sometimes she'll go to the spare room next to the one i'm sharing with her and i'll hear, 'hmmph wrong one again...'. i shouldnt laugh, but its realy funny. she reminds me of magoo. and i'm not being mean. i love magoo!
anyways, my brother is not even blinking an eye, watching captain john smith being captured by the indians. masha was over here yesterday so it was entertaining for me. she's a very entertaining girl hehe. has an exam today, and i'm meeting her when she's done with it after 5. i'm supposed to be going to a barista place and having coffee. mmmm. looking forward to that...
irfan came over last night. mummy thought he was such a gentleman. phew. that might mean i can go to the cocktail party thing. yes, cocktail party. when the dude saied party, i didnt think it was this. now i'm fretting about what to wear. i'm chewing my nails and then thinking manicures and stopping myself myself from chewing further. i'm tearing out my hair and worrying about losing enough hair as it is, and stopping myself. i'm also clawing my face and then reminding myself about an outbreak of pimples before the big day, so that puts an end to that. but i still have nothing fit to wear. i didnt come here expecting to attend cocktail do's at fancy city clubs.
but i'm not complaining! :D bring them on.......
better go get ready. i'm making it a daily habit to sit in the tub for an hour, while, as kramer says, all those micro organisms have sex around me.... how fascinating. and then i'll hit the town... yeyyy....
now if i can just find my own way to the main road, i'll be fine....
